Happy 21st Birthday Simon Sigua! (:

hahahhahah, love you salmon. I'll edit this laterrrrr.

Seriously.

soooo I haven't blogged in a while, and I have a lot on my mind. soooo I thought about blogging. I had a serious talk with my bestfriend JhoanaRose, & our conversation hella hit me. I know I said I would start doing me & get my shit straight, but for some reason I hella can't focus. I don't know what it is, what I want, who I want, or just where I wanna be. I keep avoiding the school convo with my family. & they wish I just went to the Philippines so I could just go to school & focus. because I party & go out too much. & how I never have time for family anymore. one thing you should know about me is that I care about what my family says. I care about my future. & it's always been family first. I love them with all that I am. & everything they told me hella hit me. because they're not doing it to just chismis, they're just letting me know it's my future they're looking out for. they want me to have a happy future, not just a wealthy one. & one thing I don't wanna do is disappoint them. everything I do, I do it for them. but when am I gonna do something for myself? I need to stop quitting & giving up on something when the going gets tough. because in the end I know my family will be there no matter what. I miss high schooool sometimes, because it's a safe place. you have rules to follow, you never have to make your choices. it was simple, it was easy. after that, you're on your own. I don't know what it is that I'm afraid of, I just know that I'm scared. in the end, you have yourself to rely on. you make your choices, you choose your path. tomorrow will be a new day, & I will start fresh.


dear [you know who you are]:

I'm not expecting you to feel the same way, I'm not expecting anything, or for "us" to happen. I'm trying not to hope for anything at all. I don't wanna get my hopes up. I don't wanna lead myself on. I don't wanna confuse myself. I just wanna let you know, I care about you. & all I'm saying is that, you're absolutely wonderful. the way you can make me smile, when times are hard for me. you're the sweetest & one of the most caring people I know. & I know it's annoying when I'm irritated. but you still manage to turn a bad moment into a wonderful memory. I'm so grateful for having someone like you in my life. I miss how we used to be, & I know it's my fault for making everything awkward because of how I feel. but I hope we can still continue our friendship from where it started. I consider you one of my bestfriends. & I hope I don't lose you. I just wish you knew exactly how I feel about you.


anyways, I'm thankful for everyone who has made an impact in my life. I just feel blessed. in some way, you have affected me. I have cried, laughed, loved, smiled, learned, & lived through it all & thanks for everything guys. I'm not asking for anything back, just wanna say thank you. & NO I'm not commiting suicide hahahahah. I'm just in a emotional state, due to alla the talks. but yeah, thank youuuu!


I know this is prolly a boring blog with NOOOOOOO pics, but I'm blogging from my sk! all of my photos, recent & old are in my camera. I'll prolly edit this laterrrrrrrrr.

21 Questions.

idk who created that game, but it's very interesting. & it's funny to play with the guy that you wanna get to know! loooooveit. but i've been lagging on the whole blogging thing but i've been celebrating too many birthdays. & btw, i am a BEAST at BEERPONG(: but here's pictures & videos to sum errrrrrything up, i'll do an actual blog about feelings/school/work/boys laterrrr!




















[edit 321AM]

so i've been getting my shit together, and for some reason two of my ex's have been trying to talk to me again. WEIRD, but all is well. i've been spending my time with Elvin & JhoanaRose, my two looooooooooonglonglong time bestfriends. & i love them with all my heart. they are always down for me, & i would honestly risk my life for them.

lately i've been trying to avoid the whole relationship BS. but for some reason, things keep happening. there's this guy that i absolutely ADORE, but i'm afraid things wouldn't work out. there's things in the way, or people i mean. & he honestly deserves better. sometimes i get mad at the fact that he's too good for her. & he doesn't know exactly how i feel about him. & i'm fine with it, but i'm just happy to have him in my life. BLESSED. =) and there's this guy in basketball class that motivates me to go to class (: hahaha. i mean class is craaaackin' too but he's such a sweetheart. cute, funny, focused, smart. we'll see what happens... but i am so lazy right now, watching movies with Simon & JhoanaRose & Bighead. the best people in the world. goodnight!

Memories.

too many parties. too many pictures. too many memories. too much to talk about. & i'm lazy right now, but this always makes my day. (:

Happy Birthday Alan Josue Barajas :]

love youuuuu!

Happy Birthday BIGHEADELVIN!

love ya lots. edit this laterrrrr.

Tatted.

YAY,  a wife on wife day. love her lotssssssss, no homo (: but another chill ass day, & i guess i lied about the whole going M.I.A. because it's hard when you have too much fun. we were having the most randomest (is that a word?) conversation in the backyard for daaays haha it was cool though. but shoooot, Maria's tattoo looks pretty legit though. & NO tattoo for me for a while. I needa get pierced first. well i only had 2hrs sleep from the night before, so had to cut the night short. &  now i am full on laaaaaaaaaaaaazy, and blogging. haha, i'll edit this laterrr.

Happy 20th Birthday Chrysssssss!

have a nice birthday mamas. :)

Chill.

I always have a fun time with this nigga Elvin. & I love how all the homies are chill. & wife, thanks for coming out with us the other night. Had fun love. "MOB" all day, errrrrrryday.So once again, you call & confuse me with alla you're bullshit. But I'm stronger & smarter than that. Anywayssss, I don't wanna gain any feelings for anyone so I'm gonna be M.I.A. for a bit. Catch me in a week maybe two guys. "Never did I imagine that you would play a major part, in a decision that's so hard."

Reunited.

I missed LisaMarie, & I heeeeeeeeeeeella missed my besty JhoanaRose. REUNITED; never felt so goooood. NO HOMO, hahahhhaha. Oreo Pizookie completed my night =) 

another thingggggggggggg, i love this nigga simon for taking care of me while i felt shitty at the telly on Friday. i hate alcohol sometimes. eeeeeeeeeeeeghh.

I've been pretty chill, hanging out with Bighead alot. Missed him tooo! But once again, back on that double job grindddd. FOCUSED.

Nap.

I have to say, this morning from when DJ & Elvin took me home @440 till' now was fckin' hilaaaaaaaaarious. Don't need to go into detail. But my brutha in law Pat came over and we brought out alla the old school video game systems. N64 & SEGA DREAMCAST; I was tryna fcks with the Soul Calibur & Super Mario hahah. Today looks like it's gonna be a good day, & I'm watching Fast & Furious at 1AM tonight with ThumbsDown? JUICED.

Focus.

I'm done making the same mistakes, tired of following the same path, & most of all I'm done with your bullshit. When will you learn to grow up & be a man? People never realize what they have until it's gone. & guess what, I'll forever be in your heart & always be in your thoughts. But you, you're a ghost in my situation. I look past you, & not at you. You're the same person you always were, & you'll never learn. But worst of all, you'll never change. I promise to stay FOCUSED, on one person: ME.

Sunset.

it's time for change, i party too much and have TOO MUCH fun! but right now i'm just focusing on my future. because nothing's more important than your education. and from now on, i'ma do ME. so i took a drug test for my new job and i got -_- 4 days before that. so i panicked and drank cranberry juice all fckin' daaaaaaaaaaay. HAH. and i passed =) i start my new job tuesday at 8AM for orientation and my nursing program starts April 15th. i'm pretty juiced because one year from now me and my sister plan on renting our own HOUSE. staying focused. 

so on March 18th, my Uncle Retoy Louis passed away. died from natural causes, diabetes. and it's sad to know that everyone has a sunset. but life goes on, and i will still carry him in my heart. he was a inspiration, strong-headed, loving, caring, and the funniest veteran i ever knew. He has inspired me to love family with absolutely no boundaries & taught me to cherish every moment. He loved life in the most beautiful way possible. the fam shall miss him. Rest in peace Unk. 

his funeral was really sad, and i felt overwhelmed for some reason. but we had a family gathering in Richmond afterwards & everything seemed to get brighter. and boyyyyeeeeeeee do my family gatherings be crackin' hah. we hella BLACK! i love my family. i love my friends. i love my life. and i feel blessed. i'm gonna rest now, here's recent photos of Jamrock & other good times! buuuuhbye. 

Pictures.

FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I'M HAPPY I GOT MY BEST MUHFCKIN' FRIEND BACK! JHOANA ROSE YOU BEEN M.I.A. TOO MUCH! & I'M HAPPY WE STILL TIGHT. 5YRS NIGGA, & IT'S ALL LOVE!

soooooooo i decided to clean my room today, took 4hrs. because my shit was detailed. BITCH, maanyways, i looked under the bed and saw nothing but darkness. basically means clutter. so i cleaned out all of my notes, binders, shoes, etc. from under there. saw alotta family pictures, cards, found money haha =) and more pictures of people i barely keep in touch with anymore ): i saw pictures of old friends from Walters Jr. High, & maaaaaaan! those were the days everyone wore chucks and played bopper. hah, gay shitttttt. i used to fold my pants up, ewwwwwwwww! saw pictures from my sister's graduation at WHS and my old friends. then right at the bottom of the pile were pictures of my best memories. i hella miss 2007, my favorite year so far. but anyways, these pictures made me hella emotional. & i still keep in touch with these people but these are people i hella dont wanna lose in my life. i love them with all my heart. no matter who hates who or whatever happened. these people will forever be in my heart. MARIADANELA is gonna hate me haha. 

WHS c/o 2007; everyone else was scattered -_-

i remember we all used to be bestfriends.

this nigga =)

babies, MD & WU-WU

i thought this shit was hella funny. HAHAHA NEIL! 

DON'T HATE ME MD (:

\

MARIAMARIADADADANELA LOL 

anyways, i'm happy with the people i have in my life right now. can't always look back, gotta move forward. but i'm happy i got to reminisce =)

anyways, last week i went on 3 canyos like straight up in a row. 

CANYO #1 : LMARIE & I. 

so we preeeeeeeeeeeetty much had our Arizona's & our Hi-Chews which are thee BEST muhfckin' candies to smack on when you getting bluntedddd. i needa post the video later, it was some twisted shit. cruisin' thru a haunted road hella faded. HAHAHAHAHAAAHAH

CANYO #2: LMARIE, MARIAMAMAS & I

so shitttt, didn't really plan another canyo. but we hadda smoke Iyahhhh out and wanted to take her on a crazy adventure. shittttt, she yacked on LisaMaries car and no one knew. LOL & ME, being the random nigga that i am was slappin' some Christmas Music. because i can! =) 

later that day went to Nico's Going Away kick it thing. Saw Jepoy who surprisingly remembered me & of course Neil's weird ass. who saw me and started laughing. PSHHHHHH! 

CANYO #3: LMARIE & I w/ MATEUS, BAYCHAO, & KYLE? (I dont remember dudes name)

so me and LMarie HAD TO take these niggas on an adventure. so they came for some parade in SF which according to them was crackin' but too crowded. so matt called us tryna match one. met them up, got crossfaded and you already know. -_-

i have pictures, too lazy to upload right now.

but anyways, i've been a home body. still deciding on whether i should leave for the PI. i gotta decide soon though. 

SHOUTOUTS TO LMARIE WHO FINAAAAAALLY MADE A BLOG =)

peep her out: nanilmarie.blogspot.com

so my life is getting better, been staying positive. on that "not single, but not taken" level. and i'm just staying hopeful and being thankful. i hella miss my husband though ): so i'm gonna rest now, and reminisce some more. let's leave it on a happier note this time...

"People change, but memories last a lifetime."

Happy 21st Birthday Jason M =)

this blog i dedicate to my favorite DC nigga, Jason Maung. 

Happy 21st Birthday Jason<3 

soooo it's been a while since I last blogged, but I've been having the crazieeeest times ever! where did i leave off again? shittt. okay so wednesday had like 3hrs sleeep and iyah, my wife took me home to go get ready. swooped kimbo up from chabot then went to tapx then took him to this legit ass spot in newark to get his tat touched up. finally our fat asses went to BJ's and i had a goood convo with this nigga. HELLA MISSED HIM! had a good day with kimboooty, dont remember what i did after that though. ohh wait! i do. 

   

haha! thursday LisaMarie wanted me to go to Abyss with her for the Mardi Gras event. went with the weeklys, (DC boys & girls + Aaron).

[12AM]

FML, i'm really irritated this whole blog didn't save. so i pretty much typed for no fucking reason! i'ma call it a night because i'm really annoyed! let the pictures speak for itself, i'm ghostin'!

Hostage.

FIRST OFF, kervin my blog shittin' on yours! literally. everything was dookied out, hella green & whatevs. HAHAHAH. had to change it since you said that, but this blogging thing is new to me so be patient puhhleaseee!

ANYWAYS, started the day off right. even though i had 4 1/2 hours sleep! woke up to a sunny ass day, so me & iyah took a stroll in our boxers and stoged on the block. =)



RANDOM, how we had a camera too. anyways this little girl had schoool from like 12 to 5. so i was held in captivity throughout the whole day. never knew that Antioch had so many black people. but they're like the proper ones, in clean and undented scrapers. i'm proud to be black, ahahaha. i'm so gay, but anyways i woulda taken a picture of their cars but i was scared i might get shot. jkeeeeding. what i did get a picture of was iyah's birth mark. looks like a freakin' bruise like she just got a whooping or some one kicked her in the ass. hahaha.




sooooo got ready went to JITB to get breakfast, Valero for Crushes then off to CSUEB Concord Campus. this schoool is like hella quiet, like HEEEEELLA quiet. it felt like one of those remote ass schools where some crazy white kid plans on shooting everyone. haha, but i joined iyah in class & actually took some notes. i actually learned about the... i forgot what it's called but i learned about respiratory stuff. OKAY, maybe i was on the phone IMing and texting but BLAAAAHH its been like almost a year since i sat down in a class room. but anyways, here's some pictures of iyah's school and just random ones because i got bored.











yeah it's one boring ass campus, but sure has one hell of a view. sooooooooooooo anyways, i'm hungry & maria needs to type up her paper & i'm still her hostage so i'ma edit this laterrrrr.

P.S. DID I MENTION MARIAMAMAS HAS NO BARS @PARKING?!

HAHAAHAHAHAHA

EDIT [115AM]

wtf, i'm still heeeeella awake. just left a blog for MariaMamas, go check it out: sooouliloquy.blogspot.com. but anyways, so we ate dinner cooked by tita daisi which was pretty BOMB. i miss filipino food, when you're half black you freakin' have everything chicken like every freakin' day. chicken adobo, fried chicken, buffalo wings. alla that gooodgood. shittt, i'm not complaining. but yes it was goood, then me & Maria hadda get more stogies from the gas station. we are NOT feens, HAHA. but before that we took alla these random ass photos & her tryna teach the pigeon dance. funny shit!

the names droopey and i'm pingpong po from china LOL

yes she can lean wit ittttt,


& she can rock wit it.


haha she was actually tryna do a picture of her jumping, didn't work out too well. LOL MODED.

CHELLIERAYPRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: THE RABBIT DANCE

& i was reminiscing on our San Diego Trip over President's Day weekend, & found this funny shit. one of them i drank for the FIRST TIME in years. i don't drink so bare with meeee! HAAHAHAHAHAHA EGH.








my slight depression, has faded faster than i've expected. but it's not even depression. just kinda sad. okay try to understand meeee... have you ever cared for someone more than just a friend? like you can be having the worst day but a call or a text from that one person can make it the best day ever? can you still miss a person even if they're right there with you? have you ever started a friendship that is totally opposite than the way you wanted it to end? i pretty much am stuck in a deeeeep situation. i care for someone more than words can ever express, more than any person can ever imagine. but i hide my feelings because i'm scared of ruining this friendship. i would truely go insane if i lost this person in my life. this person keeps me sane, helps me enjoy every second, & cherish every moment. i never believed in chemistry or none of that love sickness BS or whatevs. but i don't even know how to explain how or what exactly i feel. i'm confused. it's like you get butterflies, but don't know exactly why. but have you ever kept your feelings to yourself so others can be happy? if so, then you know exaaaactly how i feel. they can make you the happiest person, but somehow keep you the saddest. UGH! this feeling is just so unpredictable.

okaaaay, iyah is suhhleeep. & i'm headin' home in a few. it's cooo, miss thee fam. i'ma rest now, until next timeeee. be easy.