Seriously.

soooo I haven't blogged in a while, and I have a lot on my mind. soooo I thought about blogging. I had a serious talk with my bestfriend JhoanaRose, & our conversation hella hit me. I know I said I would start doing me & get my shit straight, but for some reason I hella can't focus. I don't know what it is, what I want, who I want, or just where I wanna be. I keep avoiding the school convo with my family. & they wish I just went to the Philippines so I could just go to school & focus. because I party & go out too much. & how I never have time for family anymore. one thing you should know about me is that I care about what my family says. I care about my future. & it's always been family first. I love them with all that I am. & everything they told me hella hit me. because they're not doing it to just chismis, they're just letting me know it's my future they're looking out for. they want me to have a happy future, not just a wealthy one. & one thing I don't wanna do is disappoint them. everything I do, I do it for them. but when am I gonna do something for myself? I need to stop quitting & giving up on something when the going gets tough. because in the end I know my family will be there no matter what. I miss high schooool sometimes, because it's a safe place. you have rules to follow, you never have to make your choices. it was simple, it was easy. after that, you're on your own. I don't know what it is that I'm afraid of, I just know that I'm scared. in the end, you have yourself to rely on. you make your choices, you choose your path. tomorrow will be a new day, & I will start fresh.


dear [you know who you are]:

I'm not expecting you to feel the same way, I'm not expecting anything, or for "us" to happen. I'm trying not to hope for anything at all. I don't wanna get my hopes up. I don't wanna lead myself on. I don't wanna confuse myself. I just wanna let you know, I care about you. & all I'm saying is that, you're absolutely wonderful. the way you can make me smile, when times are hard for me. you're the sweetest & one of the most caring people I know. & I know it's annoying when I'm irritated. but you still manage to turn a bad moment into a wonderful memory. I'm so grateful for having someone like you in my life. I miss how we used to be, & I know it's my fault for making everything awkward because of how I feel. but I hope we can still continue our friendship from where it started. I consider you one of my bestfriends. & I hope I don't lose you. I just wish you knew exactly how I feel about you.


anyways, I'm thankful for everyone who has made an impact in my life. I just feel blessed. in some way, you have affected me. I have cried, laughed, loved, smiled, learned, & lived through it all & thanks for everything guys. I'm not asking for anything back, just wanna say thank you. & NO I'm not commiting suicide hahahahah. I'm just in a emotional state, due to alla the talks. but yeah, thank youuuu!


I know this is prolly a boring blog with NOOOOOOO pics, but I'm blogging from my sk! all of my photos, recent & old are in my camera. I'll prolly edit this laterrrrrrrrr.